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There’s a hand coming up out of the toilet

Writer's picture: Graeme StevensonGraeme Stevenson

Updated: Jan 1

In Norway, the first Saturday in November is “National Cinema Day”. Various methods are used to entice cinema goers over the thresholds so you can imagine not much enticing being required when I discovered the cinema across the water decided to do a Star Wars midnight marathon. Episode IV was on at midnight, The Empire Strikes Back at 2.30am and finally Return of the Jedi at 4.45am. Having learned lessons from Episode I in May I did not a/ rush to buy my ticket as soon as they became available and b/ book a seat in the “lovers’ row” (my words) in the back row so that I didn’t look I’d been stood up by a date. For a while it looked like was going to have the entire cinema to myself but eventually some others did book their tickets. Unbelievably, out of the other 102 seats available to them, they chose the 3 directly in front of me. As the big day approached it wasn’t that I spent a lot of time planning my day but….. I starved myself all day so that during the 1/2 hour I had to kill between the ferry docking in Sandnessjøen and the doors opening I could get a burger and a drink to give myself a wee kick of energy before things started and then regular cups of coffee between films to keep myself going. Not being as young as I was, I was very pleasantly surprised about how much of the movies I actually saw - really don’t think I missed very much. I certainly saw more than 1 of the 3 young gentlemen in front of me who had to be roused from his slumbers at the end. I had been looking forward to the added bonus of half price breakfast at the Scandinavian Hotel next door but stupidly read the ferry timetable wrongly (I’ve only been here for nearly 3 years after all) and thought I didn’t have time. And of course by the time I realised it was too late.

But my really big error was agreeing to a rehearsal with Eva and Sabine the same day. Jeez I was tired. We’re playing (well they’re playing and I’m hashing my way through) a trio by Milhaud and there are few movements where I don’t play and I’m pretty sure I dozed off every time. Hopefully at somepoint next year we’ll perform the work at a concert on Dønna.

Sabine and I also gave a concert as part of the lunchtime series - music by, amongst others, Finzi, Vaughan Williams. This gave an opportunity to regale the audience (in Norwegian) with the story about the time my grandfather played for Vaughan Williams. My grandad was a fabulous musician and instrument builder and I can only dream about playing as well as him but on the occasion mentioned when he played for RVW, the rehearsal kept having to be stopped because the organ (played by grandfather) was not loud enough (us Murrays/ Stevensons are a modest lot) and it wasn’t until RVW asked grandpa to play by himself that it was discovered that the organ wasn’t actually on.

I have written before in this blog about “new-found confidence” and I thought I’d put my money where my mouth is so booked myself a few days in Stockholm. Nobody was there to metaphorically hold my hand and I would just have to man-up and cope by myself. I was able to get the the flights and hotel quite cheaply so pottered off for 3 nights. An inauspicious start was had when I found that the hotel I had decided to grace with my presence was not exactly near to the centre of the city while on the other hand it did appear to be quite near the centre of a lorry park. Once I got over this initial trepidation though, I settled in quite well. I had chosen it on the basis of it being reasonably cheap and very importantly, including a breakfast. After previous embarrassments of lack of organisation on my part, this time I went prepared. I visited the local library to pick up a guide book which ended up being very useful as I did come across things I would not have seen otherwise eg the narrowest street in Stockholm and a crane “disguised” as a giraffe. One does not come acrosss that very often. It’s a beautiful city and I was blessed with lovely weather - blue sky the whole time. As well as enjoying wandering aimlessly I did manage to visit 4 museums. The first one I visited was the Shipwreck museum where there was a particularly moving exhibit about the Estonia ferry disaster with the radio conversations from the evening playing and the memorial outside between it and the Vasa Museum. The Vasa was a Swedish warship built between 1626 and 1628 and sank very shortly into its maiden voyage. The Vasa itself is spectacular - apparently 98% of it is original. I watched a film about it while visiting the museum and was struck by a line in the narration where she said that although it was a tragedy at the time, on the plus side, due to the disaster they do have a fantastic relic of the past. Obviously I paraphrase a bit. The next day my first port of call was the National Museum where I wandered through a number of exhibitions. The first was one on Global Warming which did an excellent job of making one feel guilty for existing. The other was all about dining habits through the ages with large tables laden with exotic foods from all around the globe. Which instantly reminded me that I like to collect Hard Rock Cafe magnets so while surrounded by all this sumptuous and classy food I booked myself a table for the evening :-) There were also a couple of other exhibitions (British fashion and life in the 19th century) which I wandered through and obviously took advantage of the cafe facilities.

My last stop on the museum trail was a visit to the ABBA museum. This is the one museum where it would probably have been more fun to have been with somebody for some of the interactive exhibits. Obviously hell would have to freeze over before I would get up on stage and sing in front of anybody but I probably would have done the “conducting excerpts from Chess”. It just seemed (to me at least) a bit sad to being doing that by yourself - with no offence to the chap that I saw doing exactly that. It is a wonderful exhibition though possibly needing a bit of a renewal - nonetheless a good time was had.

It goes without saying that they all spoke wonderful English even though I automatically respond in Norwegian these days.

As an aside, I was shocked by the cost of the aforementioned Hard Rock Cafe magnet - I (stupidly) chose a more glamorous one than usual magnet which ended up costing almost the same as my meal. The fact there wasn’t a price on it should have have been the clue. But hey ho…

I had a couple of hours to kill in the morning and by sheer coincidence (honestly) there was a very large model/hobby shop nearby so I thought it would be rude not to visit. Stupidly, again, I bought a can of spray that on the way to the airport I realised I couldn’t actually take on the plane. I must have looked v suspicious I loitered around a bin waiting for a moment to dispose of the can.

Noentheless, a good time was had and my only passing regret was that I hadn’t checked in advance what organ recitals were on so missed one by a mere couple of hours. After the success of this wee jaunt I plan to grace our other northerly neighbours capitals with my presence. Helsinki has a spectacular organ in the concert hall and there a number of fine instruments in Copenhagen. I will be sure to check the concert schedules before I book this time!

If you are on the last plane to Sandnessjøen, you miss the last ferry to Dønna and the hotel v kindly does a discount rate for you. It took many occasions for me to realise this and this was to be the first time I’d been able to take advantage of it. I rolled up at close to midnight with a jolly face/ booking open on my phone and in Norwegian I said, hopefully I’ve got a room booked for the evening haha :-) The last “ha” had barely left my mouth when 2 things struck me - a/ the lack of response from the lady at reception (“Graeme” normally sticks out at them from the computer) and b/ horror as I noticed that my booking was for the previous night. It wasn’t entirely my fault - I had sent them a copy of my flight itinerary which clearly stated what day I was arriving back but of course I should have double checked when confirmation came through. Fortunately they still had a room so all’s well that ends well.

In work related news, our new priest, Liv-Helga, was installed at a lovely service in Herøy so very excitingly we’ve now got priests on both islands and everything seems to be going well.

At the end of November we had our annual Christmas Tree hunt which is always fun. A few years ago, it was decided that despite the Christmas Tree hunt being a very pleasant day out, it was a bit of a hassle. There’s a tractor involved and lots of traipsing over farmland so in an attempt to avoid this, they decided to plant a tree at the church. As can be seen in the gallery below, it has not been the greatest of successes, even with the decorations. But on the plus side it does bring a smile to one’s face every time one walks past it.

Unsurprisingly, as November came to a close the rain changed to snow and the temperature dropped. Unsurprisingly the Norwegians are fabulous at clearing the roads but not so much the pavements. I think the technical term for pedestrian walkways at this time of year is “death trap” After my traditional morning coffee at the cafe in Sandnessjøen, I like to go for a walk to burn off 1 or 2 of the calories I’ve just put on. During a particular icy time I didn’t even make it as far as the Vasa did before I became so nervous for the bones in my body that I turned around (slowly) and went straight back to the shopping centre to buy a pair of shoes with spikes on to give myself a fighting chance. When I first moved into the house I bought, rather extravagantly I thought at the time, a 2 level shoe rack. It is now completely full of my shoes and any guests just have to leave theirs to the side. As the Norwegians say, there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing and my feet are now well catered for!



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